2020, The World of the Pandemic…Has this Affected You?

2020, The World of the Pandemic…Has this Affected You?

Is it just me or is everyone really, really over this Covid – 19 pandemic situation kinda thing by now? However it is a scary time for everyone, but living with a chronic illness, loosing a loved one during this time and restrictions on attendees are very stressful, not being able to travel to see loved ones if you’re worried, having a baby even and a mental health condition causing you distress is an extra thing we have to deal with over the top of it all.

I guess majority of us consider our homes a safe haven and are at home a lot but now that were restricted to home, do you feel that you’re trapped or in prison? For me, I didn’t. I didn’t feel like I was in lockdown oddly. I enjoyed the no traffic if I had to go to the pharmacy but this isn’t a good thing. Everyone had no choice but to stay home this year during lockdowns and may actually now be more understanding of what it feels like when our health prevents us from doing anything.

As some of of us are housebound we get lonely unless you’re reading this right now (thank you!) or are doing some I encourage you enjoy such as gardening, exploring a new talent via youtube (hence how I learnt how to build websites and I am currently working on our forum) or bullet journal! However once again… now that healthy people have experienced this, it can help us explain more easily what it has been like for us forever. That this is what our normal is. This is a positive aspect that’s come out of this shitty pandemic.

May every soul that was that lost their lives to covid around the word, Gold Bless and I hope youre with your loved ones in Heaven/Paradise or anywhere your religion is is there.

To the people who caught the virus and has recovered, We wish you a speedy recovery and are happy for you.

Lots of Love

PV

My Little Sister, the ICE Addict

My Little Sister, the ICE Addict

This is a very sensitive topic for me. I HATE drugs more than anyone can imagine. I will TRY to really condense this down.

My sister, lets call her umm Sarah and I were brought up in a loving home by two parents that adored us even thought they were very very strict, especially to me because I was the eldest out of us 2. We came from the bronx of my city but my mum and dad had brought their house and my sweet was fun.

When my father passed away, I took over being “Dad” and Sarah began to hate my mum. It was so sickening hearing the words coming out of her mouth I’d tell her to quit it or I make you feel those words you are saying. To be honest, I think Sarah blames my mum in some sick and twisted way that he died and got cancer from her which is ridiculous, she was 16 when he passed away.

12 years of his passing, Sarah meets this guy. Tattoos everywhere, big muscles, very intimidating but I am an officer and a psychologist… I read straight threw and I knew he didn’t want to be at my place ( I have tattoos everywhere shhh lol but hidden) but this was when she was then she tried her first line of coke. See, not all cases of weed smokers turn into addicts like my sister.

I remember, I had just had surgery and I had a very badly complication of it. My sister took me but then told me was to visit her animals as she shares custody of her dog with her ex, who has helped me so much with her. My sister never came back to the hospital. She left me and I started to get anxious, obviously I have anxiety disorder and panic disorder big time so I went into a rage and ripped the IV out of my arm with the bloody coming down my arm and discharged myself and hopped into a taxi. My surgeon had freaked out knowing I had left in the condition I was in. Turns out my sister went to her boyfriend Mat’s house to lines and lines of coke…. and then then abuse started. She wasn’t allowed to talk to me for more that 5 minutes and I could hear him in the background saying “rap it up Sarah, I need you” That was his spell over her – I need you right now. She was thrown threw a bathroom shower screen, car windows broken…. then his little girls use o have pancake Sunday with their daddy. Daddy didn’t show uo. Her was found dead in his room OD’ on my sisters meds he placed beside him and he also slit his throat. My sister is still messup uo to this day about it till this day and she misses him like as if he was her husband.

But then she meet John. This is where the cookie crumbles for my mum and I am her only support, most of our relatives are deceased. My sister was introduced to methamphetamine and once she had that firs puff she is so so close to death.

John belts the absolute shit out of here and I wish I could show you photos but I cannot it wouldn’t be right. She’s caused so much stress on my family. Where is she? Is she alive? Police has come knocking at my door (mum) looking for Sarah again. My sister is so sick that she hits herself with wood to make the bruises stay because she wants to be a victium. She loves being a victim and wants to be sick. Every time I was diagnosed with my cancers or etc she would lie to people and tell people she had cancer too but not to tell my mum and I so we don’t worry even tho she knew it would get back to us. She’s a pathological lier, The other day she told me her lupus was flairling up? What Lupus? Can anyone confirm this? II she not caring havoc in my mums house, enough for my mum to put camera’s. My God she even told me she was kidnapped from one area to the next. I work in forensics. The harm was self inflicted as you could see bursted capillaries in her legs and arms from her drafting from one site

My father, she tells me all the time that she was his favourite one and that now he is gone she has nothing left even though we were close. I told her one day you will regret everything. You’re living at mum’s board free, I had pay board why are you so special? I shrug it off but it still kinda gets to you even though you know it’s not true. She has no sheets on a 2000$ Mattress my mum brought her and she had bread on the mattress and she was putting butter that had been in her room fir about 5 days and she made a sandwhich, the cat licked it and the days she speaks is so….. bogan. Even text messages to me are not disgusting.

Sarah lives in filth. absolute filth. My poor mum does nightshift a lot because she is a nurse and when she is at work my sister deals drugs from her home. there is just so much to write in one blog post. So I’ll leave this at Part 1 and come back and write part two.

Biggestest hugs to anyone else going through a sibling/mother / father/ brother/ wife / husband. We get so freaking angry at them buy why do we always come back to rescue them?

Love PV

Chronic Fatigue – How I See It – My Truth

Chronic Fatigue – How I See It – My Truth

Chronic Fatigue – How I See It – My Truth

My Story

Among the many issues, we have to deal with is constant fatigue. No wonder it gets more difficult to carry out the normal day to day activities, like updating content on the blog for instance. Anyway, we still do our best to do what we have to do and prove the disease wrong. There are days when I wake up and feel strong but sometimes it feels like you’ve been up all night. Sometimes it is difficult to understand where all the fatigue is coming from despite being in bed all day.

Let’s look at it this way, cancer and chemotherapy are an interesting combination to face against our body cells. Cancer cells eat away the body’s useful cells while chemotherapy attempts to burn away those cancer cells and ends up burning a bit of the remaining useful body cells. Because of all that we are forced to reduce our normal activities at least until we heal and our bodies regenerate new cells to function normally again. So you see, they say it gets worse before it gets better.

Staying in bed for long hours sounds like a fun activity but the bedsores are not something to look forward to because they leave the body protesting. It’s like spending hours in one position. Combining the fatigue from chemo with the moments of sickness and throwing up only drains up the body faster. When you lose more than you are gaining, it is most likely that you get fatigued.

Well, I know what you are wondering. How do you make it easier to manage? Apparently, there is no fixed way to manage it and at this point, knowledge of oneself comes in very handy. The way I see, everyone has that one thing that they love so much that it gets the reenergized just at the sound or sight of it. At times we do things because we can do them but at times we do them because we want to do them. When I wake up and I am too fatigued to get up from bed, I think of that one thing that I would go to extremes for and get started on it. For instance, I understand the magnitude of this blog to the readers and especially cancer victims. The thought of giving somebody other than myself the strength to carry on one more day just melts my heart and no matter how bad things get on my end (which sometimes happens) I know that I have more than just myself to encourage. In the process of writing the blogs, I often find myself motivating me too.

In short, don’t let what you are feeling take control of your life. We all have that divine purpose we are called to accomplish and the grace for it exceeds all other graces in our lives. So take advantage of that grace and use it to generate the strength to carry you through that moment of fatigue. It works, I promise.

Pain to Purpose

When I decided to establish this blog, I began to view things from a different eye. All the pain and struggles I have faced during my time with cancer have been like a training ground for me. The pains we face in life are actually not just meant to inflict pain for the sake of it. They are more like opposing energies that are meant to propel us into the purpose for which we were brought to this earth. The term ‘beauty for ashes’ is just as literal as it sounds. We have that power to use the pain we encounter to generate new energy for accomplishing our purpose.

The day I created this blog was the day I got so tired of harboring all the energy being generated by this pain I faced. On that day, I got a place to vent it out and allowed myself to be used as a vessel to transform negative energy into positive energy. What I am trying to say is that we have that choice and that authority to decide what to give produce even though we constantly face the tough side of life. Take some time to sit down and think about how to transform that pain you face into purpose. Don’t let it build up within you because the only way to manage it is to get rid of some of the pain you hold so you can give room for transformation into something beautiful. Look at the flower, as long as the bud remains closed, the flower cannot bloom and the beauty cannot be seen. Bloom and let the beauty resulting from that pain be seen. Nobody can ignore the vibrancy of a beautiful flower. When we love a flower we water it daily so let your flower bloom so people can spot it and water it. It gets better!

Contact Me

Ask a question or have any message for me.

jenifer@gmail.com

A Small Quick Reminder and News….

A Small Quick Reminder and News….

A Small Quick Reminder and News

Hello! Everyone

I just wanted to thank everyone so far who has come to my blog to read my content, but I’ve just started.

I am going to start to open up about my illnesses and what I do to cope and hopefully help someone out there feel as if they can push through with it with beauty or feeling better by looking at your best.

I would really love to hear your story, I’d really love to speak with you to raise awareness about any chronic condition out there no matter how big or small you may think it seems, it’s still a battle, a battle I hope we can all support.

Please don’t forget to join my FB group With Pain Comes Beauty.

 

Contact Me

Ask a question or have any message for me.

jenifer@gmail.com

That Dreaded Topic – Grief and Loss – How can You Cope?

That Dreaded Topic – Grief and Loss – How can You Cope?

That Dreaded Topic

Grief and Loss – How can You Cope?

Grief and Loss and How You Can Cope

It’s safe to say that every one of us has experienced grief and loss at one point or the other in our lives. For me, it has been a part of my life for a while, I lost my dad twice and it haunts me forever. He choked on a sandwich when I was 14 and I was trying to give him CPR whilst trying to get my little sister away from his changing color body. However, he ended up getting cancer and God rest his soul he was the kindest man alive and my hero. So I have experienced the loss of family and suffered PTSD as a result. I have also experienced the loss of my health in several painful ways, I have cancer. It has gotten me thinking about how people cope with grief and loss. I know firsthand that some people tend to believe you should feel or act a certain way. Is there really a right or wrong way to grieve and react to lose?

Let’s find out.

What is Grief?

Grief doesn’t start and stop in when someone you love dies. Grief is the natural response you experience to losing someone or something close to you. Grief often involves a wide range of emotions such as sadness, loneliness, shock, guilt, and so on – we will get to the stages of grief in a bit.

You might experience feelings of grief and loss when you lose your health, a job, a child, get divorced, lose a loved one or pet to death, lose a friend due to separation, or even sell a family home.

Getting overwhelmed by grief and loss is easy (natural) but the hard part is coping in a way that is healthy and healing.

How do you know you are experiencing grief?

The symptoms of grief are often the same for most people. Perhaps you have been trying to rise above the problem and act like it doesn’t hurt. You might be unable to beat the symptoms of grief that will come.

Emotional symptoms often involve things like shock and disbelief. You know that moment when you just can’t believe this happened. You may feel a certain numbness or go straight to denial. Then, there’s sadness. Intense sadness is the number one emotional symptom of grief. It makes you feel lonely, betrayed even, and most people cry a lot to express this. While some may not but they go through the same pain and the feeling of intense sadness.

The other emotional symptoms are guilt, anger, and fear. Several persons feel guilty when they grieve. You may regret the things you didn’t say or do. Or that you survived and the person or thing did not. Anger can be directed at anyone from yourself, to the person who left or died – yes it happens and it’s normal for you to be angry at a dead loved one for leaving you – to the doctors, or anyone your brain can tie to the loss.

Fear can be fear for your own life. When a loss involves death, some people close to the dead person may feel afraid and helpless. You fear how to go on alone or that your own life can end just like that.

Physical symptoms of grief include aches and pains, weight loss or gain, nausea, fatigue, and insomnia.

How you can cope with grief and loss?

Coping is quite a challenge when you have had something so deep and painful to happen. How do you ‘cope’ with the death of a husband, wife, brother, sister child, friend, relative, pet, and more? How do you cope with other losses too?

The truth is, it’s always easier said than done. Take it from a person who is not trying to sell you unrealistic possibilities, it can be very hard even when you understand you have to move on. The ways to cope which I would share below may look simple in text, but in action, it can take all your strength and resolve to practice them. I believe the good news is, it’s possible to cope with grief and loss in a healthy way.

1. Don’t believe the myths.

These famous myths about grief include

  • You are not sad or sorry if you don’t cry.
  • You have to forget your loss to move on
  • You must be strong in the face of loss
  • The harder you try to ignore the pain, the faster it will go away.
  • There is a specific expected time for grieving to end and your life returns to normal.

None of these is true. Cry if you want to, but never feel that tears are the only way to express your pain. You don’t have to be a tough guy or forget the loss either. Neither can you place a timer on when grief should cease.

2. Talk about it

Don’t lock your feelings up inside. Cry if and when you want. Talk to others about how you feel, how great the person was and what they meant to you, and how scared you are to move forward. Just find healthy ways to express yourself.

3. Acknowledge how you feel

Denial can make you believe this isn’t real. Some people who know its real hide their reactions for reasons best known to them. A major part of coping is to stand face to face with your feelings. Maybe you never realized you would feel this sad, acknowledge it. The sooner you can accept all the emotions and changes you are experiencing, the better for coping.

4. Preserve memories

Doing something to keep the lost one in your heart forever can help you heal. You can do a tribute or anything significant in their name. Building a memory box is great too. It helps to pull you out of a sad mood faster. Fill the memory box with objects that remind you of the person. These can include pictures, pieces of art, and so on.

5. Find a support group

Your friends or family can be your support group. But if you are open to other options, you can find a public support group that speaks specifically to your situation. For example, there are support groups for parents who have lost a child and so on. A counselor, pastor, or parent might point you in the direction of one in your area.

6. Don’t slip

Depression can easily slip in through grief. Avoid this. Go out and clear your head. Engage in physical activity. Cope as much as you can to prevent slipping into depression or to help you come out of it. Care for yourself physically as well.

Take care of everyone

Love <3

Contact Me

Ask a question or have any message for me.

jenifer@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Jess!

Hi, I’m Jess!

Hi, I’m Jess!

Hi there, I’m Petite Vibrant, aka Jess!

Hello! I’m Jennifer

Passionate Blogger

Welcome to Petite Vibrant. I have built this site for everyone to come together who are facing a chronic illness, chronic disabling pain, cancer, chronic fatigue, fibro, mental illness and all of the above I haven’t mentioned.

This site is in conjunction with my Instagram and Facebook Fighting Pain With Beauty where I believe I have maybe cracked a few little codes on how to make us feel a little better about our wellbeing. I am bed bound but I still manage to do things that make me feel good even if I am laying in bed all day!

This is just a short introduction and I am constantly working as hard as I can on my site even though I am working from an iMac and not from the bed.

This is my service dog and best friend Leo my pitbull. I rescued him but he rescued me. He has been my world and I love him so much. You’ll hear a lot about him and animals! Isn’t he handsome 🙂 Look at that smile!

 

"I cannot WAIT to meet you all and have a real conversation"

Jess Gaudiosi: Age 33

Contact Me

Ask a question or have any message for me.

jenifer@gmail.com