I cannot believe I am actually writing this. I’ve NEVER EVER wanted kinds since I was young and when I meet my husband I hit the jackpot because he didn’t want them too. Well…..

Now that I cannot have one at 34 due to my cancer, I am seeing all my friends having babies left right and center. Everyone is popping them out and all of a sudden I am becoming an Aunty or Tsa in Maltese how we say it. It’s really getting me down. I wonder what my baby would look like. Would he get my Dad’s baby blue eyes? Would he get my green eyes? Would he get my husband’s eyes in brow? My curly hair? Would a generation skip and he did get those big blue eyes my dad had and Pete’s Nonna’ has? You can stair are them for days. I wonder if he would be a dark colour like my father was, I use to be dark skin but lightened over time.

But am conflicted. Babies are a lot of hard work but mother’s say it’s worth it – yeah well perhaps wait till they’re 13/14 years old is all i CAN think of! I don’t know. Maybe it’s because everyone has had a baby this year and I am older I feel like I am loosing out. But I will love my nieces and nephews like my own.

i chose a career over a baby which was fine, now I have current issues I am facing muc bigger than a baby. a 32 year old one. I’ll save that for my next post.

Lots of Love