New Year, New Me

New Year, New Me

My beautiful members. Happy new year and may your new year is filled with at least one goal no matter how small it is.

Again I haven’t been around and as I have been open to you I’ve had family issues II had to deal with and I actually had a mental breakdown at one point because the situation has been going on for 3 years now. I didnt even attent Christmas. My Leo got poisoned by a plant and was so sick and I was so shattered because he has so sick but he is ok now thank God. My Dog is my loyalest friend and the absolute world to me. We can pretty much read each others minds hehe

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I am have a lot of problems with my host provider – Siteground, the people who hold my website up. It’s been going on for a very very long time but now it’s time to tell everyone my fears.

Oneday, all my emails went down so my personalised ones by Siteground for example jess@jessicamaree.com logged me out and I couldnt get back in so I thought, ok no worries I’ll just reset it from Siteground because thats where I change the password only to findout that my login for my account was wrong, Now, I 100% knew it, it was even stored in my Dashlane.

I contacted Siteground – for the past 5 months they have put me through HELL. They will not give back my site to me because I don’t have access and I tried to explain to them yes because I cannot reset it and told them i was kicked out. They made me sign the same document 4 differnt days, they phone interviewd me, they said ok just send us your license and now they want me to go to a laywer to get an affadavid. I am so scared to loose my site. I have worked so so hard on this one.

I have been building a new website on one of my test websites and would you guys support me if I start a youtube channel? I have so many plans for this site. I will set up a content schedule and be more productive, New Year – New Me

New content coming Monday!

Love PV

Isn’t Spring So Pretty in Australia? ERRRNNTTT Try Again.

Isn’t Spring So Pretty in Australia? ERRRNNTTT Try Again.

As i was saying in my title, isn’t Australia so pretty ins spring? The leaves are turning green and the beautiful flowers are blossoming and our beautiful native tree named wattle is choking me to death in a fit of an asthma attack! That’s right shout out to all my asthma suffers.

I’ve had asthma all my life but when I was young holy molly I was so bad and this is when my PTSD started. As a child and as a kid in general, my parents were very very strict on me so I did not defy them and if I did well out came the the belt or me dodging different objects being thrown at me such as the remote control to the tv. Not sure why the remote control but i digress.

They, especially my mum, put me into every single sport there was possible but the one I hated the most and was the most beneficial one to majority asthmatics was swimming. I remember she would take me to our swimming club every Wednesday, rain, hail or shine to this thing called Point score where you had to beat your time each week. I use to lock myself in the pools toilet and a little stupid secret I’ll share…. I was terrified of lane 4. Lane 4 is the middle lane and on the bottom of that lane on the black tiles, even that freaks me out, there was the little suction drains. Only the fast people would go into the fast lane and unfortunately it would be me because I was actually sabotaging myself and was good at it. It was always the same for swimming carnivals for school. My mum made me participate and it was just more pressure to perform because people knew i was a squad swimmer by then. i had to do 6am swimming squad, go to school, do my home work for one hour, go to swimming then come home and home work. But I was a dancer. I will share that story another time but I use to be threatened with – no swimming, no dancing.

My asthma was severe. I had the 3 puffers. Ventolin, Becentide and Serotide. I use to have to use a spacer when I was younger. I was in hospital once for so long i had to start school in a hospital school due to pneumonia that I just couldn’t shake off. Its sux that I have a photographic memory of the traumatic times in my life. I just remember being in a hospital bed one night in the children’s ward coughing so much and constantly them putting the mask over my face.I didnt like how it steamed up but I didnt know it was steam i didnt know what it is was.

So what is asthma? Seriously I could ramble on and give you a massive terminology but it’s basically a lung problem that makes it hard to breathe in the most simple of simplest terms but it is so so deadly and should be acknowledged.

The proper definition as well in a simple term is that asthma is a disease of the airways and the structures through which air passes when moving from your mouth and nose right down to the smallest structures in your lungs. 1 in 9 people have it so I guess it not as common as the olden days.

An asthma attack is so scary. Not being able to catch your breath because your muscles in your airways tighten and he lining of the airways swell up and inflame producing that disgusting mucous is absolutely terrifying. The reason for my title is because Spring is when the pollen comes from our beautiful yellow wattle trees, but yet are so dangerous to most asthmatics. We also spring clean so all the dust and dirt thats why most of us asmos try not to spring clean once a year i guess?

There is so many downfalls being an asmo. For example, I am allergic to the food additive MSG so there for I have to stay away from pretty much ALL Chinese food and if I do decide I would like to do a death wish go at eating the Rainbow Beef my throat will swell up and i will have a massive asthma attack.

Then you have the people who are cat lovers and their partner walks into their house for the first time and sees the demon on the couch but he really like the girl so what can he do? He cannot say get rid of the cat same goes with dogs. We all here know how much I love my Leo so my dog stays! But on a serious note if youre an asthmatic you would understand what I mean. People develop asthma in adult hood but to the extreme as a child and not growing out of it I am not sure if its the same. Ive never meet anyone with diagnosed later in their life. Id love to know if they have the same symptoms.

Being very active as a kid has great memories, but some are bad for me like the swimming and squad training, but I know my mum was doing her best to try to stop me from having worse asthma. Im a chronic asthmatic till this day and I am still on 3 puffers…. but that is the least of my worries.

I’d love to hear some of your stories if you or a loved one has someone with chronic asthma. please comment below!

i love you guys so much for supporting me. i have a facebook page and an insta as well. I havent been so well lately so I am so sorry Ive been here and there but I promise you Im trying to make it up to everyone. Your comments from every single one of you are so special to me.

lots of love

PV

Thank You

Thank You

My self esteem has been extremely low for quite a long time since I lost my long dark locks and the medication changes my body. Can you guys believe Ive have been working on this site for 3 years? Id do an all nighter at times then drive 2 hours to go do my job. I never ever thought that I would have anyone read my blog and reading your comments bring me so much happiness.

I am just a 34 year old ex force. I write how I feel and mean every single word. Our community means so much to me. Ive always worked in the caring industry or the health industry.

I am building a forum for us to inter act with each other. There is so many kind people that have left messages to me. At first, I thought I was just getting spam on my emails but it wasnt!!!!! TURNED OUT THEY WERE COMMENTS!!!! This is how grateful I am for each and every single one of you.

I want petite Vibrant to be the community ive always wanted.

If you ever have a request on a topic you want me to cover, please contact me!

Lots of love

My Sister, The Ice Addict and Pathological Lier Part 2

My Sister, The Ice Addict and Pathological Lier Part 2

Incase you missed the first blog MySister, The Ice Addict, please feel free to read that first……

Why do the people that would move heaven and or for them get treated like shit? Thats what my mum copped and myself too but I was Dad to her sort of. I was left in charged the he passed, it was his wishes and I made a promise Id do my best. I guess me getting sick wasn’t in the plan.

My sister was so so dirty. She had the most graces hair, pimples and scabs on her face and even on her legs, she would sleep on just a mattress, not sheets nothing. She made a sandwich the other day onto of the mattress and her cat was eating the butter thats suppose to be in the refrigerator the she has in her room for god knows how long. She would just hurl abuse at my mum she was just a disgusting human being….. sometimes. She was also my best friend at times but the constant lies about her bf thats belts and then she started to hit herself and then threatening to kill herself… you have no idea how many times I hd to call 000 to go to her house because she would message me all f’d up.

She stayed at my house for a few days and I promise you guys. I thought my sister was dead. She was white as a ghost, she had the covers off her, one arm uo in the air leaning against the wall and I was terrified . I walked over and called her name, “Sarah, Sarah, can you hear me” then her eyes rolled back in her head and I felt physically sick.

My sister would lie about illness. Every time I had my diagnose – she happened to have it too. So, I have ovarian and a tumour in my left frontal lobe… I also suffer from gut wrenching panic attacks and I have PTSD not just from my job but from growing up with my dad being sick. If he was alive God have Mercy on my sister soul.

My mum is a nurse and does a lot of night shift and me telling my mum to kick Sarah out, she just can’t even tho she is a complete jerk to her. The amount of times she’s played gone missing and played victim, she actually did it today. She was drug dealing out of my mums house and she decided to rip off people and well people ended coming to my mums house with meat cleavers and crowbars to killer her. Her boyfriend is scum, he got her onto this meth but they are free now and just moved to Sydney because he just got out of gaol on a 2 week sentence because they’re police informants.

I am trying to build a forum to have discussions and topics inside the forum. Please I love reading your comments. I’d love to hear if anyone is in the same as my boat . I have so much more to say but

There is much more. but perhaps at a later date I will share more. writing this was hard. I’m in therapy over this.

Love PV

HACKED

HACKED

Hi guys,

Sorry its taken me a little wile to write part two of My sister, the ice addict I actually got hacked and my blog was spammed so badly … for tweeting product…*insert face palm)

I am free writing chapter two as we speak.

Kindest Regards

PV

My Little Sister, the ICE Addict

My Little Sister, the ICE Addict

This is a very sensitive topic for me. I HATE drugs more than anyone can imagine. I will TRY to really condense this down.

My sister, lets call her umm Sarah and I were brought up in a loving home by two parents that adored us even thought they were very very strict, especially to me because I was the eldest out of us 2. We came from the bronx of my city but my mum and dad had brought their house and my sweet was fun.

When my father passed away, I took over being “Dad” and Sarah began to hate my mum. It was so sickening hearing the words coming out of her mouth I’d tell her to quit it or I make you feel those words you are saying. To be honest, I think Sarah blames my mum in some sick and twisted way that he died and got cancer from her which is ridiculous, she was 16 when he passed away.

12 years of his passing, Sarah meets this guy. Tattoos everywhere, big muscles, very intimidating but I am an officer and a psychologist… I read straight threw and I knew he didn’t want to be at my place ( I have tattoos everywhere shhh lol but hidden) but this was when she was then she tried her first line of coke. See, not all cases of weed smokers turn into addicts like my sister.

I remember, I had just had surgery and I had a very badly complication of it. My sister took me but then told me was to visit her animals as she shares custody of her dog with her ex, who has helped me so much with her. My sister never came back to the hospital. She left me and I started to get anxious, obviously I have anxiety disorder and panic disorder big time so I went into a rage and ripped the IV out of my arm with the bloody coming down my arm and discharged myself and hopped into a taxi. My surgeon had freaked out knowing I had left in the condition I was in. Turns out my sister went to her boyfriend Mat’s house to lines and lines of coke…. and then then abuse started. She wasn’t allowed to talk to me for more that 5 minutes and I could hear him in the background saying “rap it up Sarah, I need you” That was his spell over her – I need you right now. She was thrown threw a bathroom shower screen, car windows broken…. then his little girls use o have pancake Sunday with their daddy. Daddy didn’t show uo. Her was found dead in his room OD’ on my sisters meds he placed beside him and he also slit his throat. My sister is still messup uo to this day about it till this day and she misses him like as if he was her husband.

But then she meet John. This is where the cookie crumbles for my mum and I am her only support, most of our relatives are deceased. My sister was introduced to methamphetamine and once she had that firs puff she is so so close to death.

John belts the absolute shit out of here and I wish I could show you photos but I cannot it wouldn’t be right. She’s caused so much stress on my family. Where is she? Is she alive? Police has come knocking at my door (mum) looking for Sarah again. My sister is so sick that she hits herself with wood to make the bruises stay because she wants to be a victium. She loves being a victim and wants to be sick. Every time I was diagnosed with my cancers or etc she would lie to people and tell people she had cancer too but not to tell my mum and I so we don’t worry even tho she knew it would get back to us. She’s a pathological lier, The other day she told me her lupus was flairling up? What Lupus? Can anyone confirm this? II she not caring havoc in my mums house, enough for my mum to put camera’s. My God she even told me she was kidnapped from one area to the next. I work in forensics. The harm was self inflicted as you could see bursted capillaries in her legs and arms from her drafting from one site

My father, she tells me all the time that she was his favourite one and that now he is gone she has nothing left even though we were close. I told her one day you will regret everything. You’re living at mum’s board free, I had pay board why are you so special? I shrug it off but it still kinda gets to you even though you know it’s not true. She has no sheets on a 2000$ Mattress my mum brought her and she had bread on the mattress and she was putting butter that had been in her room fir about 5 days and she made a sandwhich, the cat licked it and the days she speaks is so….. bogan. Even text messages to me are not disgusting.

Sarah lives in filth. absolute filth. My poor mum does nightshift a lot because she is a nurse and when she is at work my sister deals drugs from her home. there is just so much to write in one blog post. So I’ll leave this at Part 1 and come back and write part two.

Biggestest hugs to anyone else going through a sibling/mother / father/ brother/ wife / husband. We get so freaking angry at them buy why do we always come back to rescue them?

Love PV