This is a very sensitive topic for me. I HATE drugs more than anyone can imagine. I will TRY to really condense this down.
My sister, lets call her umm Sarah and I were brought up in a loving home by two parents that adored us even thought they were very very strict, especially to me because I was the eldest out of us 2. We came from the bronx of my city but my mum and dad had brought their house and my sweet was fun.
When my father passed away, I took over being “Dad” and Sarah began to hate my mum. It was so sickening hearing the words coming out of her mouth I’d tell her to quit it or I make you feel those words you are saying. To be honest, I think Sarah blames my mum in some sick and twisted way that he died and got cancer from her which is ridiculous, she was 16 when he passed away.
12 years of his passing, Sarah meets this guy. Tattoos everywhere, big muscles, very intimidating but I am an officer and a psychologist… I read straight threw and I knew he didn’t want to be at my place ( I have tattoos everywhere shhh lol but hidden) but this was when she was then she tried her first line of coke. See, not all cases of weed smokers turn into addicts like my sister.
I remember, I had just had surgery and I had a very badly complication of it. My sister took me but then told me was to visit her animals as she shares custody of her dog with her ex, who has helped me so much with her. My sister never came back to the hospital. She left me and I started to get anxious, obviously I have anxiety disorder and panic disorder big time so I went into a rage and ripped the IV out of my arm with the bloody coming down my arm and discharged myself and hopped into a taxi. My surgeon had freaked out knowing I had left in the condition I was in. Turns out my sister went to her boyfriend Mat’s house to lines and lines of coke…. and then then abuse started. She wasn’t allowed to talk to me for more that 5 minutes and I could hear him in the background saying “rap it up Sarah, I need you” That was his spell over her – I need you right now. She was thrown threw a bathroom shower screen, car windows broken…. then his little girls use o have pancake Sunday with their daddy. Daddy didn’t show uo. Her was found dead in his room OD’ on my sisters meds he placed beside him and he also slit his throat. My sister is still messup uo to this day about it till this day and she misses him like as if he was her husband.
But then she meet John. This is where the cookie crumbles for my mum and I am her only support, most of our relatives are deceased. My sister was introduced to methamphetamine and once she had that firs puff she is so so close to death.
John belts the absolute shit out of here and I wish I could show you photos but I cannot it wouldn’t be right. She’s caused so much stress on my family. Where is she? Is she alive? Police has come knocking at my door (mum) looking for Sarah again. My sister is so sick that she hits herself with wood to make the bruises stay because she wants to be a victium. She loves being a victim and wants to be sick. Every time I was diagnosed with my cancers or etc she would lie to people and tell people she had cancer too but not to tell my mum and I so we don’t worry even tho she knew it would get back to us. She’s a pathological lier, The other day she told me her lupus was flairling up? What Lupus? Can anyone confirm this? II she not caring havoc in my mums house, enough for my mum to put camera’s. My God she even told me she was kidnapped from one area to the next. I work in forensics. The harm was self inflicted as you could see bursted capillaries in her legs and arms from her drafting from one site
My father, she tells me all the time that she was his favourite one and that now he is gone she has nothing left even though we were close. I told her one day you will regret everything. You’re living at mum’s board free, I had pay board why are you so special? I shrug it off but it still kinda gets to you even though you know it’s not true. She has no sheets on a 2000$ Mattress my mum brought her and she had bread on the mattress and she was putting butter that had been in her room fir about 5 days and she made a sandwhich, the cat licked it and the days she speaks is so….. bogan. Even text messages to me are not disgusting.
Sarah lives in filth. absolute filth. My poor mum does nightshift a lot because she is a nurse and when she is at work my sister deals drugs from her home. there is just so much to write in one blog post. So I’ll leave this at Part 1 and come back and write part two.
Biggestest hugs to anyone else going through a sibling/mother / father/ brother/ wife / husband. We get so freaking angry at them buy why do we always come back to rescue them?
Hiya everyone! I am alive but I have been very sick however…. i am overwhelmed by all the absolutely lovely, inspiring, motivating and amazing comments that some of you guys are sending me about my posts. I had absolutely no idea there were even comments there *sigh*
I am going to be really honest. This is my first blog so I am learning as I go. I built this site and watched SO many “how to build a WordPress website”. I highly recommend Darryl Wilson if you ever need a tutorial in that field. I
I felt like I was writing all these blog posts and thought to myself, no one is seeing them no matter how hard I was working by trying to get my name out there, Petite Vibrant. A place for people to come together as a support network that’s affected with illness and even their loved ones too because I’ve been on both sides After Id post Id think to myself, will anyone in this huge world want to see MY blog? I was feeling quite depressed because it was a passion I had thought of and really planned out. But please, hear me out…..
After the absolute boost of morale and the support that you guys are giving me and I am giving you I haven’t felt this much joy in a very long time. Please feel free to write to me for and subjects you would like discussed. We can always bring it over to the forum page that I’ve built to dive deeper, our own mini social media site for us soldiers.
I promise from now on I will be more active. My emai is down at the moment so I will work on this site tonight. I was actually redoing the site, making it look a little different so a few changes will be made.
I want to get to know you all so very much and start our family community. I’m still in shock its reached so many people. I’ve been trying so hard to get out there!!!!!
I cannot believe I am actually writing this. I’ve NEVER EVER wanted kinds since I was young and when I meet my husband I hit the jackpot because he didn’t want them too. Well…..
Now that I cannot have one at 34 due to my cancer, I am seeing all my friends having babies left right and center. Everyone is popping them out and all of a sudden I am becoming an Aunty or Tsa in Maltese how we say it. It’s really getting me down. I wonder what my baby would look like. Would he get my Dad’s baby blue eyes? Would he get my green eyes? Would he get my husband’s eyes in brow? My curly hair? Would a generation skip and he did get those big blue eyes my dad had and Pete’s Nonna’ has? You can stair are them for days. I wonder if he would be a dark colour like my father was, I use to be dark skin but lightened over time.
But am conflicted. Babies are a lot of hard work but mother’s say it’s worth it – yeah well perhaps wait till they’re 13/14 years old is all i CAN think of! I don’t know. Maybe it’s because everyone has had a baby this year and I am older I feel like I am loosing out. But I will love my nieces and nephews like my own.
i chose a career over a baby which was fine, now I have current issues I am facing muc bigger than a baby. a 32 year old one. I’ll save that for my next post.
I have always wanted a Bull Terrier for so long but I wanted to adopt one but they’re usually snapped up pretty quickly for some reason when they’re in the pound but on one fateful day, I saw an ad in Western Sydney, 2 hours north of where I live, that two bull terrier pups were up for adoption but I had to be quick because they were scheduled to be euthanised. I told my husband this and we had just moved into our new house and started to prep for a dog but just not so soon but I begged him please can we go and so we set off.
When we got there, I seen this gangly, long legged looking puppy trying to be matched with this massive viscous German Shepherd and i BEGGED the lady to stop them from pairing them because it was horrible to watch, so they took the pup back to its filthy cage filled with newspaper, shit everywhere and just poor conditions. I asked to see the bull terriers and she took me back to the long legged but small puppy. He definitely wasn’t a bull terrier more like a pitbull terrier but I fell in love straight away. I was in love. Pete wasn’t sure and I had already said to him, I’m going to call him Leo after Leonardo diCaprio, my favourite actor. I felt so sorry for his sister but I really wanted a boy and I often think about her.
On the way home, Leo took full advantage of my air conditioned car and slept the whole way home. He was the perfect fur child. He is the best 500$ I’ve ever spent.
When we arrived home, we took him on a tour of the house and showed him every room before he bolted out the backdoor as soon as we opened it and he just rolled around on the green, soft fresh grass.
Leo is my everything. He is not a registered “service dog” but to me he is. If I am feeling anxious I hold his paw and he will just lick my hand non stop and give me unlimited kisses if I need. If I am sick from treatment, he will wait outside my ensuite on all four paws and wait for me at the door. He sleeps with me everynight either at my feet or snuggling up to me. I love my dog so much and to think that there is so many animals that are just as beautiful as him stuck in pounds kill me ready to be put to be put to sleep.
If you’re looking for a furry friend I encourage you to do so if you’re capable to look after him/her. They’ll love you unconditionally and they’re great for PTSD. They’re always happy to see you, they do not judge you, they love you and just want to be with you.
Among the many issues, we have to deal with is constant fatigue. No wonder it gets more difficult to carry out the normal day to day activities, like updating content on the blog for instance. Anyway, we still do our best to do what we have to do and prove the disease wrong. There are days when I wake up and feel strong but sometimes it feels like you’ve been up all night. Sometimes it is difficult to understand where all the fatigue is coming from despite being in bed all day.
Let’s look at it this way, cancer and chemotherapy are an interesting combination to face against our body cells. Cancer cells eat away the body’s useful cells while chemotherapy attempts to burn away those cancer cells and ends up burning a bit of the remaining useful body cells. Because of all that we are forced to reduce our normal activities at least until we heal and our bodies regenerate new cells to function normally again. So you see, they say it gets worse before it gets better.
Staying in bed for long hours sounds like a fun activity but the bedsores are not something to look forward to because they leave the body protesting. It’s like spending hours in one position. Combining the fatigue from chemo with the moments of sickness and throwing up only drains up the body faster. When you lose more than you are gaining, it is most likely that you get fatigued.
Well, I know what you are wondering. How do you make it easier to manage? Apparently, there is no fixed way to manage it and at this point, knowledge of oneself comes in very handy. The way I see, everyone has that one thing that they love so much that it gets the reenergized just at the sound or sight of it. At times we do things because we can do them but at times we do them because we want to do them. When I wake up and I am too fatigued to get up from bed, I think of that one thing that I would go to extremes for and get started on it. For instance, I understand the magnitude of this blog to the readers and especially cancer victims. The thought of giving somebody other than myself the strength to carry on one more day just melts my heart and no matter how bad things get on my end (which sometimes happens) I know that I have more than just myself to encourage. In the process of writing the blogs, I often find myself motivating me too.
In short, don’t let what you are feeling take control of your life. We all have that divine purpose we are called to accomplish and the grace for it exceeds all other graces in our lives. So take advantage of that grace and use it to generate the strength to carry you through that moment of fatigue. It works, I promise.
Pain to Purpose
When I decided to establish this blog, I began to view things from a different eye. All the pain and struggles I have faced during my time with cancer have been like a training ground for me. The pains we face in life are actually not just meant to inflict pain for the sake of it. They are more like opposing energies that are meant to propel us into the purpose for which we were brought to this earth. The term ‘beauty for ashes’ is just as literal as it sounds. We have that power to use the pain we encounter to generate new energy for accomplishing our purpose.
The day I created this blog was the day I got so tired of harboring all the energy being generated by this pain I faced. On that day, I got a place to vent it out and allowed myself to be used as a vessel to transform negative energy into positive energy. What I am trying to say is that we have that choice and that authority to decide what to give produce even though we constantly face the tough side of life. Take some time to sit down and think about how to transform that pain you face into purpose. Don’t let it build up within you because the only way to manage it is to get rid of some of the pain you hold so you can give room for transformation into something beautiful. Look at the flower, as long as the bud remains closed, the flower cannot bloom and the beauty cannot be seen. Bloom and let the beauty resulting from that pain be seen. Nobody can ignore the vibrancy of a beautiful flower. When we love a flower we water it daily so let your flower bloom so people can spot it and water it. It gets better!